Saturday, November 3, 2007

On Iceberg Lettuce

I feel bad that I have to keep blogging about this, but Elliott just won't let it go. He claims that he hates iceberg lettuce. I think that he just hates poor people.

There's nothing wrong with iceberg lettuce. It tastes just fine. There's nothing inherently better about freaking romaine lettuce. I bet if I prepared one-inch-square pieces of iceberg and romaine lettuce and administered them to Elliott in a blind taste-test, he wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

If you want to know the truth, it makes me want to cry. Some people can be so non-understanding of people with lower socio-economic standing. I feel sorry for those people, so blinded by their own gleaming piles of gold bricks, that they can't see the truth: that poor people, the people who eat iceberg lettuce, are human beings with real emotions.

Let's put an end to vegetative discrimination, people. Let's do something about it. Everybody, kill Elliott.


8 comments:

Rho Ell Ste said...

Romaine has more vitamins, Tedtosterone. Iceberg's just all water. And, for my tastes, it's too squeaky and tight.

Corinne said...

I'm not sure I understand this post (I was going to write 'this post confuses me' but stopped myself). And Elliot's right, romaine does have more vitamins. And try making a ceasar salad with iceburg lettuce, it just wouldn't do.

TCK said...

Caesar Salad! Don't you see! Romaine is the salad green of the aristocracy!

Viva la lechuga iceberg!

Anonymous said...

What's wrong with being mostly water? Water's mostly water. Preferring Romaine to iceberg lettuce is a social act, where the chooser is unconsciously trying to align himself with more desirable class of people. All this "more vitamins!" and "less squeaky!" garbage is just rationalization. And don't even get me started on home-grown tomatoes.

Anonymous said...

And don't get Ted started on vitamins, either!

Rho Ell Ste said...

When Kritikos boys attack...

TCK said...

... things improve?

... girls get turned on by their ferocity?

Corinne said...

I'm not turned on.