On real life, nicely

I like Guitar Hero. I played it today for the first time, and it was fun. In some ways, it was more fun than playing in my real-life band sometimes is.

But at the best of times, playing in my real life band is much more fun than playing Guitar Hero. I'm talking a lot more fun.

I just got done looking at some message boards for Guitar Hero and for the soon-to-be-released Rock Band video games. A typical post exchange looks like this:

Person 1: Does anyone know how to unlock the sunburst strat?
Person 2: U guyz suck. Go join a real band and get laid.
Person 3: We're so tired of hearing this post. Why don't you go play professional football? It's a simulation, stupid.


Listen up, all six of you who read this blog: I don't want to get involved in any sort of flame war. If I could somehow emote my tone across the internet better, you would know that I mean this in a very encouraging, non-sarcastic way. Here it is - please friends, go start a band!

And keep playing Guitar Hero! It's a great game, from what I've seen. The parts I enjoyed most were:
1. The potential to unlock ridiculously overpriced Gibson guitars with fake money.
2. Jumping around in my socks.
3. Pretending to play the guitar parts of some really, really awesome songs. All with friends!

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say I bet that the above list summarizes what most people dig about the game. I mean, nobody really enjoys pushing buttons in the right order at the right times as a stand-alone action. It's the context that makes it all fun, in a living-room, masturbatory sort of way. And also, I guess people get pretty good at the game, and it's fun to be good at something.

Ok, here's the hopeful, encouraging-people-to-go-join-a-band bit. Playing in a real band is, at the best of times, a million times funner than playing Guitar Hero. Even playing in a really crappy band that goes nowhere is much more fun. And, it is extremely easy to play in a real life band. You know that band, The Killers? With the exact same amount of effort that most casual players of Guitar Hero 3 put into the game, anyone could learn to play a real instrument as well, if not better than anyone in that band does in real life. Oh my God, they suck...

Playing in a band requires slightly more initial monetary investment than outfitting your virtual band. (I believe the full Rock Band video game equipment will sell for $400) It'd wouldn't be easy, but it would be within the realm of possibility to put together a three-piece band for that amount of money, with used instruments, of course, and some really ghetto P.A. equipment. I bet that most real-life bands are started with less than $1000 worth of gear, which isn't so bad split three ways.

Pplaying real guitar is extremely easy. In many ways, playing Rush's YYZ is much more difficult on Guitar Hero than in real life. Guitar players learn patterns that build progressively, which make playing solos second nature. With a moderate amount of work and self-discipline, most folks could learn to play the rhythm guitar part from most rock songs within a year. Bass is even easier to learn. I could teach my extremely beautiful girlfriend to play the bass part to that awful Killers song in a week. (In fact, bands members are notorious for teaching their extremely beautiful girlfriends to play the bass in the band. See: The Thermals) Any three people in the whole wide world that do not possess a debilitating mental or physical disability can start a rock band and be ready to play a crappy show within 6 months. With a year of hard work, they might even sound pretty good.

Here's my final point: playing in a crappy-to-moderately-crappy band is so much freaking fun and is 30 times more rewarding than Guitar Hero. Most bars will give you cheap or free drinks. Your friends will feel obligated to come out and watch you play, but they'll end up having fun in spite of how terrible they think you guys are. And you, if you have any sort of desire to express yourself and the things you love and hate, you can do that in a way that might connect with one other person eventually. No, you won't ever play in a stadium, and your band won't be the next The Killers. But, trust me. You do not want to be in that band, or a rock star in general. Those guys are depressed. They hate their lives. Seriously. Or at least, they would if they possessed the ability to self-reflect. Being a real life guitar-hero is, by in large, lonely, infinitely shallow, and doomed in every way you can imagine: financially, emotionally, artistically. Make real music for your real friends, and when you're done lugging your gear back home after your gig, play Guitar Hero if you want to. But, it'll be late. Those freaking bar owners want you to play until at least 1:45 here in Lawrence...